Gah, I'm busy, alright?

OK, people keep bitching and complaining about me not posting as much. Let me run it down for you:

1. Quit old job. Took family around Japan in a whirlwind 12 day tour. Took several new jobs and moved to Tokyo after a brief vacation, whereupon I began several harsh (and THANKLESS) part-time jobs where I got to interact with egomaniacs, assholes, and sociopaths whilst biding my time between writing, shooting videos, and yes, fucking MODELING.

2. Had 2 different companies violate 2 different contracts. This means I'm out about 1300 bucks, which is a shitload for me.

3. Ebaying nerd-porn from Comiket. Word.

4. Catching up on those Cure records I missed out on when I was in my punk rock phase... which oddly enough has not ended yet.

5. Studying for my next Japanese level proficiency test. Ever study kanji for an hour plus a day? Ever want to kill a family of four for farting in your direction? Same vibe.

'Nuff said.

I promise this site will be back to normal soon. Just give me one more week. Seriously.

"NERDS!" Comic Market 2005 review video...

This is still a work in progress. I'm having a real problem getting quality encodings via EZcleaner, so I may throw that in the shitpile soon. Have at it in its low-fi glory until I figure out how to fix this bitch.

Hey Fukuoka... GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

According to NHK, it appears that Fukuoka has lost it's bid to be Japan's contending city in the race to host the 2016 Olympics.

The winner? Tokyo.

(Who DIDN'T see that one coming?)



(Pictured above: citi di loserio>)

Dear World, re John Mark Karr

Fucking DUH.

Sometimes you will fall for anything. Hey, I'd cop a lot of shit to get out of a Thai prison too.

I get emails...

"Hello,

I have tuaght English before for a short time and was wondering if there would be
someone who could reccomend to me some schools that would be good.

Thanks"

Jesus Buttery Christ. And you know this guy will end up here. You know it.

I get the best IM's pt. 5: Going for BROKE.

Evin Relocation: yatsrad.blogspot.com/

Drubicle: cool. didnt know you had a blog

Evin Relocation: you didn't?

Drubicle: nopers

Drubicle: i know now

Evin Relocation: You realize I have to pee in your mailbox now, right?

Drubicle: aww sheeiit

Drubicle: that would be difficult. youd have to stand on something to pee in my mailbox to get it all in

Evin Relocation: do you have some kind of super mailbox?

Evin Relocation: Optimus Prime in mailbox form?

Drubicle: no its just like 4 feet tall

Drubicle: HAHA

Drubicle: yes he morphs

Evin Relocation: sir, I can stick my dick in something four feet tall.

Drubicle: well youd have to get on your tippy toes

Evin Relocation: midgets are underrated. word to fantasy island.

Drubicle: haha

I get the best IM's pt. 4

Evin Relocation: http://www.rksound.com/DSC00522.JPG

creaig: what's that from?

Evin Relocation: Sign on the street

Evin Relocation: I explained to them what it meant

Evin Relocation: and they changed it

creaig: hah, good thing you took the pic first

Evin Relocation: indeed!

Evin Relocation: they started to change it and i was like "no! let me take a picture!"

Evin Relocation: i dunno if i should feel bad for making them do extra work though : /

creaig: was it that much extra work though?

Evin Relocation: well, there's a panda, creaig

Evin Relocation: you ungrateful non-panda-loving cocksmoker

creaig: sorry, didn't realize they had to find another kid with downs to draw the panda, that would have been extra work

Evin Relocation: HAHAHAHAHAHHA

I get the best IM's pt. 3

sssdddccc: not sure if she thought of it or not, but a girl i know has "i'm all up in that pussy like cervical cancer" as her away message.

sssdddccc: that's some cold-blooded shit, man.

Evin Relocation: that's too mean-ish for me

Evin Relocation: i mean, it's a GOOD turn of phrase, but pussy time is fun time

sssdddccc: yeah, i was like...whoa.

Evin Relocation: unless you're (EX'S NAME), then it's "your huge and it hurts and ow!"

sssdddccc: kids these days.

Evin Relocation: hence = JAPAN.

sssdddccc: you should require boc's "godzilla" to be played during sex over there.

sssdddccc: that'd be some fine pipe-layin' music.

Evin Relocation: hahahah

Evin Relocation: "oh no! there goes tokyo!"

sssdddccc: totally.

Very busy with some stuff right now, but I leave you this food for thought:

Me at Comiket. Please discuss.

For my dead homies...

Bad news to brighten an otherwise glorious day, but Hirotaka Suzuoki, aka Noah Bright from Gundam's popular UC timeline, has passed away due to lung cancer. He was 56.

RIP dude. We know you'll be pimp-slapping Amuro and Camille in heaven.

You can view the Asahi.com post in Japanese here.

An open letter to Cansei de Ser Sexy from the desk of Evan Jones.

Hey kids.

Let's face it... you've probably blown it. By basing your first single on the popularity of another current band you were taking a hell of a risk, and now that Godheadsil-, er, Death From Above 1979 have gone tits up, well, you're all kinds of mouth-fucked.

My condolences.

Is your song horrible? Oh hot buttery fuck yes. You make the Ying Yang twins sound like Warren Zevon in the brains department. You're also fairly unattractive and plain, which means that singing about slapping uglies means nothing to men of discertaining tastes such as myself, who are quite likely to lay the woodrow on a bevy of smoking hot Asian girls with the fucking QUICKNESS.

(Side note: the kid makes moves.)

Lastly, you happen to be Brazilian, but are neither a lounge act nor Sepultura. This is also a problem.

The good news is that people seem to like it... well, handsuphouston.com seems to, but Christ, those guys would defend giving a wolverine a mouthful of AIDS-infested blood and letting it loose in a kindergarten if Pitchfork gave the concept a decent review.

You were also mentioned on Houmidity.com, where Brian Mcmanus has been spending a good portion of doing a hell of an impression of Byron Crawford.
Although the guy from Spain Colored Orange is no Kanye.

But enough of the Houston scenester in-fighting. Here's the situation: It's not your fault, but it is your problem.

Fortunately for you I am in a giving mood this evening, as I sit here in my office overlooking the beautiful river in the middle of Kumamoto City and plotting my next step towards unemployment. I appreciate the fact that you have no grasp of meter, time, or the fact that you will inevitably be mentioned whenever one laughingly uses the term "sub plop." I also appreciate the fact that you are doubtlessly former visual studies students, which is like the Special Olympics seal-of-approval for "artistic and fun" bands.

So here are some new song titles you can use for your second album to suck in the hipster community, because you're 15 minutes are clocking down, yo.

"Finger blast me at the Racounters show."
"Let's schedule an abortion appointment while listening to Shellac."
"Hey, I have an accent and a vagina! Hey... where are you going??"
"Interpol/Radiohead/Sigur Ros/Slint/NO TAGBACKS!"
"Our singer is fat, but not 'Gossip' fat... more like '15-year-old-Naruto-fan' fat."
"Stupid alcohol reference"
"We make !!! seem like Stravinsky."

Keep adding more in the comments section, willya?