"Fuckin' AC Slater's lookin' better and better if you're into homo sex with failed teen actors..."

I know this is old news to some of you, but a good friend and myself were mulling this one over today and we just couldn't get our head around it. The basic story is that Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, is going to lose his house in Wisconsin due to a foreclosure. He bought his place, the property value SKYROCKETED, and now the bank be all "Get the fuck out, Slater." His lawyer did sweet FA to help him, and now Bayside High's finest will be giving handjobs for crack in... shit, anybody know any towns in Wisconsin?

Oh yeah, Osh Kosh. Got it.

The irony of this is mind-blowing. This poor guy has to make a dicksack out of himself for what, 10 FUCKING YEARS, and then buys a house in Wisconsin of all places... just to get randomly screwed over by some twist of fate. Meanwhile, Zach Morris' fingers probably still smell like a mixology lab from all the fine impressionable ladies he done met during those years. How many sloppy beejers do you think Screech racked up? Not a lot. I tell you that.

At the same time, how can you feel really bad for the guy? He's gotta have some residuals somewhere, and after you've made serious bank on a show like that for damn near a decade, well, high-interest bank accounts and stocks and bonds SHOULD put a lil' love in your wallet. This is in addition to a turn on reality TV, wherein homedude beat the shit out of Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter.

Sometimes the joke is on the clown.

...

In other news, I'm really happy the world cup is over. I'm sorry NHK, but I simply don't need 30 minutes of "news" a night that equates to fan porn over sports. Get a love hotel and a rag for that.