Thursday, December 22, 2005

Happy Birthday Jesus... the Japanese way!

Christmas here RULES. Why?

1. No religious signficance. Seriously. Jesus? Who? Whaaaa? Virgin birth? Pshaw. This is Japan. Sex isn't even a sin. In fact, what's sin?

2. Presents, breaks, and time off. Guess what I'm doing today? Jack shit. Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? Going home. Guess what I do when I get back? Jack shit. Somewhere in there are a few thousand plus calorie meals.

3. All the lights and presents, none of the blatant religious guilt. I've never raped anybody or murdered anybody, but hey, sometimes I think about girls. Here it's cool. And oddly regimented and often-slightly creepy. Sweet.

4. Christmas cakes.

5. I don't have to run my ass off buying presents for everybody. In fact, I don't even have to believe in Jesus if I don't want to. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Not the point. Cool.

6. Mad lights up in this bitch, son.

7. Jingle bells is the best Christmas carol ever. And you will never stop hearing it here, because that ho gets blasted for weeks on end. My favorite version is the one I have sung by the vocal cast of Sailor Moon.

8. Andrew Ridgely from Wham! is fuckin' raking it in. Giving all of us a dream, Andrew Ridgely gets to coast for a few years of acting like a total homo and hanging out with George Michael. I've never heard "Last Christmas" so much in my life. My favorite version, once again, is sung by the Sailor Moon vocal cast.

9. VOCODED Christmas carols. The other day I was buying stuff for dinner at a grocery store, and I heard 12 Days of Christmas in the bathroom. WITH A FUCKING VOCODER. Roger Troutman did Christmas songs?

10. Going to bed at 4 AM every night. STOKED.


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