SEASON'S GREETINGS!

First off, I've found out my dad reads this thing. He wrote in to tell me he actually likes Iggy Pop. Since I only care about the first three records, I still think I have enough of a rebellious streak in me to feel ok.

Good.

Now it's time for JET PROGRAM SURVIVAL KITS! Winter's coming! Get ready!

The Female JET Survival Kit.


A copy of Facing Loneliness.



Pringles.


Razor Blades.


Bathtub with warm water.

Note: Actual "survival" may vary.

The UK JET's Survival Guide


Magazines to convince yourself you DON'T dress like a fuckin' drunken banker.


Any book that will make you sound like you're actually speaking English, as opposed to making an audible attempt at chewing up the language and spitting it out.



An unrelenting tendency to constantly brag about your drinking ability. Note: When doing this, please combine this with the above book.



Whatever sad stab at international relevancy you have left inside of you.

MALE JET SURVIVAL KIT


Condoms


Unparalled ability to stop seeing any degree of attractiveness in white women.


Inability to accomplish anything OR use the English language properly.


Also: Drinking problem.

(Note: Yeah, we made a Mike Brown joke.)


The ability to act like a 13 year old WELL into your 20's.

AMERICAN JET GUIDE! WITH ALL CAPITALS! USA! USA!


Cocksure self-importance in terms of geography.

OR...


Constant whining and a deep sense of shame.

(Note: no rational viewpoints will be taken into account here. One or the other. If you don't agree, you are a terrorist.)


Disturbing lack of history.


Inability to shut your damn yap.

Canadian JET Survival Guide.

Same as America. No matter what they say. Note: Quebec still rules.