Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Tokyo dictionary

New cities and new neighborhoods require new language. Even new musical movements, like that gay-ass hyphy movement needs new slang to validate it.

Well, I'm writing the Tokyo dictionary now, so dig the following and feel free to add your own.

Short-time: 1. A person who is brand new to the country. Not neccesarily mean-spirited, although it can be used that way. 2. A pejorative directed towards a person who is blatantly not enjoying their time in Japan, and will thus be leaving ASAP.

The Library: Any large bookstore with a suitably-sized English section which one will use for reading only. Shinjuku's Kinokuniya is the prime example of this.

"I'm out son, gonna go hit the library and see what's popping with Akira volume four.

Big Daikoner: A person who's established internet/mailing-list/web presence is totally contradictory when contrasted against their real-life existence. Usually used for obsessive online shit-talkers, know-it-alls, and trolls. Originating from Big Daikon. Also see: Big Liekon.

F.F.: Acronymn for "Fuckin' foreigner," a semi-ironic term applied to a person who may be lousing up your long-term living plans with his or here "HEY I'M ON VACATION!" attitude towards Japan and Japanese people. Often used by people suffering from the "My Japan" syndrome.

T.W.M.: Acronymn for "Tokyo Weird Movement," a descriptor used by a select few regular drinkers (HOLLER AT YOUR BOY, KUMAMOTO!) for those with artistic aspirations in and around Tokyo. Also see: Dekasegi Hantai.

Fat Scratch Jackson: Somebody rolling in dough. Can be used to describe a short-timer or somebody on vacation who spends money like it grows on trees. Often not derogatory, although it depends on the familiarity one has with the addressee.

Ex: "Fat Scratch Jackson here showed some love to us at the club."

Captain Bitter: One who constantly moans and bitches like a virgin with a thumb in her about Japan, the Japanese, and other people.

A.I.D.S. Bait: 1. A person who attracts questionable-looking foreign sex partners. 2. A questionable-looking foreign sex partner.

Ex: "She was feeling my steez, but son that mess was straight AIDS bait."

D'ed up: Using a heavy amount of energy drink to make up for being in a state of extreme drowsiness or sluggishness.

Encyclopedia Brown, aka "The Encyclopedia": Pejorative for somebody who feels the need to tell you everything about Japan or translate things for you in a condescending or harsh way without being asked or invited to.

"Fucking Encyclopedia Brown needs to cut out the mess, or else I'll go Eddie Murphy's couch on his ass."


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