JET events you can get behind.

Marathons. Basketball. Monologues about vaginas. Festivals that are 100s of kilometers away and require the kind of planning that the allies used at Normandy.

This all begs the question: what the fuck, people?

I'm starting to come up with a list of "JET events you can get behind." Feel free to write in with your own.

1. First Annual "I don't speak British English explain-a-poolozza."

A chance to find out what the hell half of the English guys I hang out with are talking about at any random time. Will feature special "sittin' fat down south" after-party, in which an understanding of phrases like "skrilla", "grill," and "tip drill" will be communicated to our Stone Roses-listening brethren.

Notes to be published by Columbia University.

2. "Who got fat?" THE INTERACTIVE VERSION.

Simply put, a chance to see who doughed up like Gnar Gnar Binks this year and who dropped off like Ian Brown circa '91. Extra points for contestants who cry.

3. Break-a-bunch-of-shit 2006:

In my area of Kumamoto, there are copious regulations for the disposal of heavy garbage items. There's also a lot of open construction areas, random heavy machinery, sledgehammers, and a FUCKING OCEAN which can facillitate the navy-friendly funeral.

Put two and two together.

(PS: free beer for anybody who drives a car into the deep blue sea. Offer voided if you "Kennedy it up.")

4. Fuck-Sports-In-The-Mouth Festival:

I just wanted to express that I don't get the point of sports anymore at my age. Again. 25 years old and people want me to play kids' games? Here's an idea: why doesn't your particular area of Japan discover something like food, fine dining, music, foreign cinema, or wife-beating? Yowza. I'll play some soft tennis now and again, and I find long bike rides therapeutic... but come on already!

Simply put, this festival will consist of everything that makes life worth living: sleeping in late and calling in sick.

5. Flash Mob Kumamoto City Pillow fight.

I'm so deadly serious about this... pillow fights are awesome. Random, organized, FUNNY pillow fights? Where do I sign?!??

The only thing you have to be on-gaurd against is when the pillow fight gets too intense and you have guys kneeing pregnant women in the stomach while going for the coveted "head shot."

This thing will go OFF.

6. Prank-call night:

A night of structured, violatile, and carefully planned prank calls to you and yours. Can be played round robin or in a tournament setting. Extra points for the following:

1. Getting the mark to leave their house.
2. Inducing the repetition of nonsensical phrases.
3. Succesful recalls.
4. Admission of utter confusion.
5. CONVINCING THE GUY OR GIRL AT THE END OF THE OTHER LINE TO THOROUGHLY OBLITERATE THE PHONE.

Just think about it.