Yatsushiro Radio

If I get famous, I'm rolling with THIS DUDE.

2008-07-05T12:05:00.000+09:00

John Oates' mustache will be voiced by Dave Attell

2008-06-28T11:52:00.000+09:00

More proof that my horrific version of reality is far cooler than most of yours.

On the Akihabara tragedy

2008-06-12T18:00:00.003+09:00

This post has been copied from my company blog at tokyogetter.livejournal.com.

"I came to this place to kill people."

What happened today in Akihabara is beyond heartbreaking, and is probably still beyond the realm of reason and subtle examination. I would like to express how I feel about the situation in a succinct and short manner, but I think it would be unfair to the victims and to all of you who are as confused and perhaps as upset as I am. That said, I apologize for the length of this.

I`m torn about presenting my philosophic/anthropological views because they contrast so strongly with my presence as a relatively silent but always-supportive member of the Akihabara community. I have worked there, I shop there, I have had great adventures with some of my best friends there... I`ve even been on TV leading groups of grad students around the place. I may not be immersed in the outward aspects of nerd culture, seeing as I`ve traded the university-era "Blue Hair"(tm) and blood-stained tshirts for suits and ties, but I view it as a very fun and relaxing place where I can freely and nonchalantly engage with a lot of my societal, business, and personal interests.

I can rattle off the various economic and socio-economic effects that will arise from this, seeing as it happened a block from ground zero of a 20 billion dollar industry and right in the left ventricle of one of Japan`s strongest export centers with ties to mass communication, printing, intellectual rights merchandising, licenses, etc. But really, that is all obvious to most of you who would bother to care and I`m sure I`ll be called to expound upon that at a later time.

The real question is: why am I seeing big piles of blood-soaked bandages in the middle of the street while EMT teams massage the hearts of people who have been smashed by trucks or stabbed with a survival knife on a cloudy Sunday?

A man rented a truck in Shizuoka, which is a far stretch away from Tokyo and Akihabara, and used it as a vehicular homicide ramrod before backtracking on foot and hacking, slashing, and debilitating people with a piece of cold steel. Why? Because he was apparently tired of life.

Think about that... tired of life.

At the risk of sounding completely nihilistic: Who isn`t? Really? When you think about it, you have to acknowledge the fact that it is disturbingly hard to express feelings like that without attendant insinuations of deep and melancholic self-involved depression that functions almost like a comedic punchline in global society today. We`re all tired. We`re all upset. We`re all, at least, somewhere in our hearts, a little sad or distressed.

We just suck at expressing it.

We spend a lot of time alone.

We forget what`s important.

Or we substitute for it.

Shorthand becomes longhand. Right becomes left. Up becomes down. A wind tunnel of noise noise noise replaces the smiles of friends and the quiet conversations you have with the people you care about as a need to fill those sad little voids we create because of our being so busy.

We lose something these days.

Now, don`t misunderstand me. I don`t pine for lost periods as an end-all escape hatch dream state. The idea of the past as a `halcyon period of glory and happiness` is, to throw away all semantic trickery, total bullshit. You think leprosy, gangrene, cholera, the crusades, and polio were fun? No, they probably were not. But people lived in periods like that and thus become defined in waves encompassing generations, where the dizzying highs and the tedious, tear-inducing lows became carved into steel that was thrown deep into our collective subconscious vaults. Your first kiss. Your grandmother dying. Hearing about the shuttle explode. Remembering the event of watching a movie that made you cry. It all meant something so much that no matter if it was good or bad, you knew you were alive. And you paid a price for it, either way. It hard to take. When it gets too hard you become tired of life.

We`re all tired. We just have to find something to do with it. And we have to admit it. Don`t be afraid. Don`t mean harm. Be honest about it. Do the right thing and remember what`s important to you is NOT JUST YOU but the world as a living, breathing, interconnected organism.

The people that died today were, genetically, 98% the same as the person that killed them. Somewhere, something happened... cultural, sociological, medical, psychological... SOMETHING happened where the A. lead to a B. and then finally a Z. that included wholesale slaughter as a solution to whatever problems and nagging worries he had droning around in his brain. So now I`m translating the news and feeling like I should cry but tears can`t come.

I don`t know, but maybe this is just another moment that only rings important to people who are, for lack of a better term "like me." I wouldn`t be here if it weren`t for things like comic books, movies, baseball, horribly noisy music, or funny electronic toys and computers. But I have to remember that it takes a lot of responsibility not to completely lose myself in it. It`s easy to get lost. Next thing you know the weariness creeps in. Then the sadness you can`t express. Then the tiredness. You either sleep it off or you do something else, but it can swallow you. And it happens.

God bless their souls.

God bless the tired.

(For more info please see Patrick Macias` blog entry or Japanator.com`s entry.)

"Fuck you Kyushu, and your fucking ridiculously limited weed intake!"

2008-06-04T21:46:00.002+09:00

I had another 30 minutes at the internet cafe.

Just felt like saying that.

Anyway, I should sit down and write the articles for the various websites that are up on me to do me and say more for them. Seeing as how I`m a `z list` celebrity to some...

By the way, you know how many hits happened from that Albini/Gallo thing? Enough for me to think that some of you guys need to start doing more pushups and getting out the crib more often.

(This is coming from a guy running an internet-based business, btw.)

Anyway, nerd links...

Intermixi.com, the only pop culture Japan travel company goodly enough to sort-of employ me. Isaac is gearing up for the September tour. Stop by and see Japan.

Akibanana.com, run by my former wife(!) and a crack team of specialists, this site provides updated info on happenings in and around Akihabara in Tokyo. It`s like Akibablog, but with less Engrish. Or more, depending.

(!) = Just kidding. I am married to UCC coffee and distance running. I seriously wanted to see if anybody googled this and proceeded to defecate upon themselves.

Me and my blasphemy

2008-06-04T20:11:00.002+09:00

I don`t neccesarily know why I am into this Japanese song `Game` by Perfume, but here you are...

Warning! This son of a bitch contains enough goddamned autotuned vocalizing that it makes Britney Spears sound like Mahalia Jackson.

Perhaps it is the `form as function` theory, or some extremist take on basic Warholism, but I guess this is as valid an example of machines making music as Kraftwerk envisioned it as one can find.

Or maybe I`m just tired from running around a little mercury-infested town by the sea of Kyushu known as `Minamata.`

"Come on in, the water`s FUCKED!"

Vincent Gallo vs. Steve Albini: AKA, THE SHIT IS OFFICIAL!

2008-05-27T21:58:00.004+09:00

Edit: this post has been updated for accuracy.

This centers over a fight about a regular poster (and member of the EXCELLENT "low intensity" band Rifle Sport, and not Flour as previously posted) selling a guitar to Vincent Gallo. The whole of the thread is located at this URL.

Basically, Albini made fun of Gallo after a guitar was sold to him by a forum regular. Gallo logged onto Albini`s awesome and very fun electrical audio forum and retorted:

From Vincent Gallo,
No offence Mr. Steve Albini but I have been into Veleno and Travis Bean guitars since my early teens, long before your interest in them. I worked at a guitar shop that was a dealer of both along with Veillette Citron, Alembic, S.D. Curlee and others. Since the 80’s I have had several of my guitars featured on the back page of Guitar Player Magazine as part of the Encore feature that Tom Wheeler edited. (Full-page photo of a rare vintage guitar) In 1978-1980 I played a Wedge in the No Wave band GRAY that include member Jean Michel Basquiat. In 1981 I purchased a Veleno for $475 from a dude named Jimmy who worked in the art department on the film All That Jazz. Since my interest in older rare things started long before the Internet my searches were done in a different way than yours. For example, I put together the largest collection of sound gear made by Western Electric. I did so on a dishwasher salary and long before the web. I was a member of underground mailing lists and networked the USA and Japan like a maniac. To collect with little money I had to buy and sell a ton of guitars microphones and hifi gear. Over the years I have earned a lot about sound and sound recording and have written some well-known essays on the subject. My point of view has always been way more radical than any of your practices. I take offence to your slight, as you clearly do not know anything about me. I was never interested in your Bean or Veleno guitars (which I knew you had), because you hack up your instruments. I prefer things left the way they were made. Your guitars are all modified for reasons I could never understand. In any case, these days I make it clear on the web that I will pay higher than high for any Travis Bean or Veleno guitar as I am luckily very rich. vincentgallo@vincentgallo.com

The Albini reply followed:
Mr Gallo,

Thank you for submitting your resume, but unfortunately the position of self-obsessed douchebag has been filled. We'll keep your details on file and if anything opens up, we'll stuff a note in the vagina of a woman with low self-esteem.

Congratulations on becoming rich and owning things.

-mgmt

Now, I hate to say I really enjoy this kind of gawker-type bullshit, but it IS funny, and one of the guys involved in this fracas made Songs About Fucking. I think we`re all allowed one every now and then, and seeing as how Killdozer made records in homedude`s basement...

Dear rock and roll...

2008-05-27T00:28:00.002+09:00

Remember when you were fun? You know, fun? FUN? Not just a fucking disco biscuits factory or the realm of KIDS SKINNIER THAN ME and 'bringing it' could be done with humor and heart and power?

Yeah, well, go jack off to a White Stripes album or some shit before your illustrator work is done, BECAUSE THE TAD DVD IS NOW ONLINE AND WATCHABLE.

That noisy stuff you be hearin' is called 'distortion.' It often ends up resulting in blow jobs, cheap beer, and laughter. Get on it.

Today I taught a guy who makes 5000 dollars a day how to teach.

2008-05-23T18:22:00.002+09:00

How many karma points will I be getting for that?

Regardless, I have realized that I miss writing. I'm going to start doing more posting here.

Also, this site needs some pictures and whatnot as a nice aside from descriptions of the kind of horrible job interviews I've had with people like ear-cancer purveyor Donna Burke or whatever group of no-funsters who write me on a Tuesday seeing if I can whitey up and stop by their office so they can be mad at me for being the palest black guy ever.

Que sera.

Here you go:

Also, I loved this record in the fall. Kaela Kimura's song "Yellow."

Bonus:

Video from my Bangkok trip:

Holy screaming mother of God covered in ketchup, blood, and love YES YES YES THANK YOU!!!

2008-05-01T22:48:00.001+09:00

SIX FINGER SATELLITE RE-UNITES.

Osaka! Hakata! Tokyo! Bangkok! Chiangmae! Hanoi! Hoi an! HOLY SHIT!!!

2008-04-21T12:42:00.002+09:00

Traveling around Asia for the next month. Will set out tomorrow and finally see some other part of the world.

I know I haven't been posting at all, but I'm planning on writing for several other sites again soon, plus planning on getting PAID for it, so I can't really let the cat out of the bloody-mouse-filled bag.

I will say that the Half-Life 2 deathmatch arcade game is a jaw-dropping accomplishment, and that I also feel likewise about the new Gundam Vs. Gundam game that is now in the arcades. Finally the speed of a Gundam tearing into another one is more realistically represented via a proper and well-tuned physics engine. Yeah, I loved Titans vs. Aeug DX and whatnot, but this one just pisses all over it.

In keeping with the 'media meltdown!' that I used to throw out here regularly, here are some bands to listen to:

Tokyo Pinsalocks
Uverworld
Supercar
Number Girl
Git-o Git-o Hustler (spelling?)
The Bronx

Have fun. I'm going to go avoid lady boys and ride the shinkansen. Not necessarily in either order, btw.

Back on the air...

2008-04-04T19:04:00.000+09:00

AND SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!!!

Sonny Chiba: Still Down to Thwap Somebody.

2008-02-10T06:33:00.000+09:00

Good to see a mature man in his 60s is not above a drunken and pointless fight.

Conversations I am glad to not have to participate in anymore.

2008-01-15T22:11:00.000+09:00

Random people asking me about illicit drugs: Not a fan of them, don't recommend them, don't use them, have no interest in 'em. Don't know why people insist or perceive me to. A petite bourgeoisie conceit forced upon the privileged, and a life-destroyer forced upon those that could be bettering themselves and their communities.

My boyfriend treats me like shit, I was I could meet a guy like you... who isn't you: Ouch. Just because you decided that Captain Jeff Date Rape of the SS Sleeps Around was a good choice for a serious BF doesn't make me doctor Phizz-ill. Being alone isn't that bad. God made ipods and books for a reason.

"Why is this late?": No more messenger shooting for me, although an outsourced deadline was missed last week. Dammit.

"Should I quit my job?" Don't wrestle with this one. Get a pad of 6 months living fees and do it if you hate it. I only hang onto mine for a visa at this point, and have far more interest in my contracting gigs. I'll be damned if I ever feel threatened by work again. Why worry? Work will always be there.

"Star Trek vs. Star Wars" - I got into Trek after the prequels proved that there was little going on in SW besides great music, cool effects, and a Kurosawa handjob festival. I don't stand by all of ST's MANY mis-steps, and only consider myself slightly above 'noob' status, but it has it's charms.

Subs vs. Dubs: Subs. Never can buy a foreign flick dubbed. I still own that Fox Lorber out-of-print Hard Boiled disc, and the dub is so bad that you think it was made of AIDS and napalmed-baby skin.

"Where should we go in Mid-town?" Answer: NOWHERE.

Man, old age has made me happy beyond belief. This is creepy.

Fuck that guy.

2007-12-31T15:49:00.000+09:00

Shoko Asahara's daughters are seeking 5 million yen (US$44,224) in damages from the government and the physician supervising the 52-year old former Aum Shinrikyo guru, Kyodo News agency said late Friday.

Sorry to keep the 'murder-death-kill' thing going on at YR here, but really I do think that Aum Shinrikyo was the definitive terrorist event of people from my generation (911 was by the time we were full-fledged, albeit drunk as hell, adults).

Happy new year and stay safe.

Best. Christmas. Engrish. Ever.

2007-12-24T19:32:00.000+09:00

Merry Christmas.

Uh... America... WTF?

2007-12-20T14:26:00.000+09:00

This song is called 'Smell Yo Dick.'

Shit like this is why you don't see a brother leaving the house no more.

仕事にもかかわらず。。。

2007-12-20T10:34:00.000+09:00

Screaming Arubeto David at a crucified Santa exhibit. Is it Christmas already?

I certainly hope everybody is having a festive holiday season, and that you are all stoked for the upcoming birthday of everybody`s favorite Zombie. Ditto to my pork-dodging brethren out there as well.

Me？ I need a vacation, yo.

Tokyo is a blast, as always, but I am starting to feel just a bit constricted. I have a lot going on here, and like a lot of people time management is a hard thing for me... it`s not uncommon for me to sit idly and stare at my wall for long periods, especially since I copped a projector. I`m ready to slow down, but like a lot of people my work is becoming my life, in that I socialize to get more contacts, build a network, get a better job, learn more about web marketing, etc.

It can be alienating, or fun, depending on the mood and the ego of the person I happen to be commiserating with at the time.

Lately I have been gripped by an oddly hollow and exhausted feeling. A few of my friends left the country, and it`s been odd having them not be here anymore... it`s not like I was superdependent on them or anything, but we had so much in common and shared those odd, unspoken and archaic bonds of young dudes who are making their way in a world that would just assume kill them and take the gold out of their teeth than acknowledge them.

Plus, frankly, we were fucking freaks, and that goes a loooong way when you`re in a country filled with normal people. It`s not like I`ll be talking about Mayhem with anybody at my office any time soon.

But alas, there you are, a little bit older and with your buddies back home. At least I have a decent amount of money saved up. I`m also dating WAY the hell out of my ever-decreasing league, which is nice.

Links and other information to come tomorrow.

* = I make it out 2 or 3 times a week, but lately I find that I`m often watching Ghost in The Shell and Heroes whilst trying to stay warm at the new crib instead of, you know, interacting with other living beings or seeing `the puss.`

Sometimes I miss comments...

2007-12-10T18:49:00.000+09:00

From this post about bad foreign dude haircuts.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Another witty blog of some emoting fucktard. Lem'me guess...you went to Japan because there you feel special. You are the definition of an obnoxious asshat.

My reply (psssst... I can trace IPs, dickpig... 'anonymous' means nothing to somebody who worked at an IT company):

I mostly moved here because I was tired of fucking your mother, father, and all of your other relatives. It was like throwing a hot dog down a warm shaft coated with lukewarm cream of mushroom soup.

"Asshat?" Cutting edge, baby. Do they have broadband back there in 1997?

Wow, I see Kumamoto is still all kinds of messed the 'f' up...

2007-12-10T18:37:00.000+09:00

Sex worker arrested for stuffing baby's body in station locker

SAGA -- A sex worker has been arrested for stuffing an infant baby's body into a locker at JR Saga Station, police said.

Azusa Kurita, 23, a sex business employee of no fixed address, was arrested Sunday for the illegal disposal of the body of a newborn baby, which was found at the station on Dec. 6.

Kurita admits to the allegations.

"I gave birth to the baby in about mid-November," Kurita told the police.

Police said that at around noon on Nov. 29, Kurita stuffed the newborn girl's naked body into a coin-operated locker at JR Saga Station.

Police said items found in the locker led them to Kurita. They received a tip-off that she was in Kumamoto Prefecture and Saga Prefectural Police found her in Kumamoto on Saturday night.

An autopsy on the baby's body failed to determine the exact cause of death and further tests will be carried out. Judging by the state of the baby's body, it had been dead for about one week before it was found, but it showed no visible signs of injury.

The investigation into the case continues.

Steve Albini radio interview AND HAROLD AND KUMAR 2!!!!

2007-12-07T22:09:00.000+09:00

The Sound of Young America: Steve Albini

...

New term for asshole...

2007-12-05T15:33:00.000+09:00

LEATHER CHEERIO.

Look, nifty footage of nothing in particular!

2007-12-01T18:33:00.000+09:00

My buddy and former boss/guru Aaron took this while we were vacationing in Kansai. This is the courtyard surrounding the truly stupendous Himeji castle in Japan.

...

Yeah, so where have I been? Well, I moved. Shortly after moving I ended up doing an English-OS reinstall of windows xp pro that wiped my drivers, so I had to hunt those down. I also dicked around with a thumb-drive linux program called Pendrivelinux, but don't consider that a plug because the jury, indeed, is still out. I just wanted experience on another OS, that's all, but really I intend to keep plugging away with XP, seeing as how I can get a job just by knowing how to not completely destroy it.

Here are some pictures of my new apartment. Essentially I have reached the 'I am not buying anything else' phase, as today I finally picked up a fridge and a VCR so I could watch videos/feed a TV image to my projector. Note the horrific rat's next of male dependency on the floor... I will have to hide all those cables in the future.

...

Dig it: BOOYAH.

Review of Fatal Flying Guilloteens 'Quantum Fucking' LP, which finally came out after I bumped the shit out of the demos in Yatsushiro TWO YEARS AGO. The press release states that "it is a record about fucking and taking a lot of drugs."

Yes mom, we had fun on tour.

...

Upcoming events: Tokyo Dark Castle, Web 2.0 in Harajuku, intermixi's spring Japan trip, Fantasia Glamorous Night,

People still THINK we're number 1, fuckers!!

2007-11-20T15:36:00.000+09:00

http://search.japantimes.co.jp/rss/nn20071120i1.html

Hi I am Evan and I don:t update

2007-11-04T23:28:00.000+09:00

I have not really had a reason to write here recently, so I have not bothered. I have some things lined up, but I have been really busy lately.

Why?

I am moving to a new apartment in Tokyo, 20 minutes from Shibuya. I am running 3-5 times a week, preparing for my first marathon. Where/when it will be is not my concern. Shit`ll be the same anyway. I am currently reading and listening to Japanese at a 2kyuu level, although my speaking is still a bit below the curve. I study part-time at the Iidabashi Nihongo Senmon Gakkou, on the suicide-friendly Chuo line in the middle of Tokyo. I am still running a web-based business for small-run collector`s items online and studying IT. I date out of my league.

I am going to buy a suit soon.

Kinda boring, huh?

America...

2007-08-22T15:24:00.000+09:00

Holy shit, the food here will kill a man dead.

My trip... well...

*deep breath*

I bought tons of records and DVDs and a new hard drive and i studied and relearned how to play guitar and got a delay pedal and went on tour with a rock band and saw my friends and met a special girl and played with some dogs (no relation there) and generally worked out a ton of stress.

And I made up with the guy who I'm related to who tried to murder me. Well, for the most part.

I also bought new dress shirts. Let the homo commence!

Back to the music...

2007-08-20T04:33:00.001+09:00

Steady As She Goes, by Shellac.

"This is JetAA right? I thought we'd be talking about sushi and NOT drinking..."

2007-08-20T04:11:00.001+09:00

ACTUAL JET-RELATED NEWS ON YATSRAD!?!?!?

Yesterday I swung by Jet Region 9's Alumni group to visit a dude I knew from Kumamoto City. It was rather interesting. Region 9 (no nickname yet... I suggested 'Flyovers') incorporates Texas and Oklahoma. Apparently they ARE big on sending Texans to Kyushu, as I know a number of them who went.

The meeting was, well, a meeting. It was run like a board meeting, replete with votes and amendments. I was quite impressed by the official nature of it, and it was interesting to see ex-JETs take an interest in the process besides the usual 'YAY I WENT TO JAPAN AND SAW B00BS!'*

Anyway, if you're interested, you can visit them here.

(* = It occasionally DOES happen, but let's face it, I'm the only guy in the world who moved to Japan to not meet women.)

After that I went to dinner with some friends of mine... kinda pissed. Things didn't go well, and it certainly wasn't on our side of the restaurant, if you dig my swing. How would one forget an entree for 30 minutes?

Let us decry the lack of Six Finger Satellite on youtube

2007-08-16T11:31:00.000+09:00

All that I can really recommend is the live video of Race Against Space, off my favorite album by them, entitled Law of Ruins... although you can't hear the synths for shit. It's amazing how many of these new bands sound like they would owe something to 6FS, but let's face it... 6FS was, and it's collective members (who didn't OD) probably are STILL, about kicking your ass. They apparently practiced something like 5-7 nights a week, perfecting their razor-tight noise rock jams replete with synth and vocoder. They were inhuman, artful, soulless, sexy, and terrifying.

In short, they were a cutting-edge rock band when 'cutting edge rock band' meant something beyond haircuts.

Anyway, yeah, here I am in America. It's weird. I can't eat the food anymore. My favorite video store is closing so I bought like, 31 DVDs from them, and I picked up a delay pedal for my guitar/bass. Factor in the food, the other dvds, the hard drive I bought so I can leave my big computer at home, and the awesome CDs I grabbed and you could say that I actually, uh, spent money for once.

Pshaw.

Next week will see me depart, although not before seeing Ghost In The Shell 2 in theaters AND catching FFG/Dimes/some other band live. Should be sweet. I am trying my best to get to a theater and watch movies ll day, but there have been a number or surgeries in my family so I have to pay attention to that. Family first (for once?).

I also met my niece for the first time. She's great. I was flabbergasted. I guess I have um, what do you call it? Responsibilities now. I talked to her in English and Japanese. Her grandparents talked to her in Dutch. She will be a bit confused, but still all and all pretty awesome.

Back to Yats next week for a spin by my old haunts and some mp3 trading with Jamie/Jovan. I started looking for a new place in Tokyo, but frankly my end up crashing at the old one for a month or so until I make a decision. I also have to start planning my trips around Asia as well. Korea is up first.

What's a good thing to bring my old co-workers from America? Reese's?

Some random asshat managed to make me smile today.

2007-08-09T15:55:00.001+09:00

The odds...

Craigslist Chicago.

Hey Jamie, how's about you let me abuse that couch of yours for a bit at the end of the month?

Japan withdrawal: Rock vs. Sushi.

2007-08-09T00:55:00.000+09:00

I have been visiting America for the past 10 days or so, hence the disturbing lack of updates. Before that, I was sick and homeless for a bit.

Fun month.

First off, a shout-out to the new victi-, er, inhabitants of Yatsushiro. There's a good record store in Kumamoto called On The Corner past Kamitori, run by a dude named Akutagawa. You can buy Lightning Bolt records and Birthday Party bootlegs there. Otherwise, I suggest trolling for a favorite bar. You may need it, and there's no better way to practice Japanese.

For the past week, I was on tour with The Fatal Flying Guilloteens and Pelican around the south of the US. I have had the experience of going through the south before, but this is the first time I'd driven through the deep south for an extended period of time, and it was pretty interesting. The people were nice, the coffee was plentiful, and it was great seeing live rock music again without paying 20 bucks for it.

People talk a lot of shit about the south, but it mostly originates from blanket generalizations and mean-spirited mass-market communication orifices. I found that when you took the time to talk to people about their lives and what they do and where they're from, they were really cool. Hell, I have far more unpleasant experiences when communicating with people in Tokyo on a daily basis than I did as a long-hair in the south of the US.

Also, every other woman in Georgia is fucking gorgeous. Former Yatsu-ite Faith never
let us on in this, and I will never forgive her. Damn it.

Wrap-up:
Atlanta: Awesome/tired
Athens: Awesome/nobody there
Pensacola Florida: Terrifying/no show
Baton Rouge: Good show/creepy neighborhood
Austin: Loud/busy/Girls/Twin brother stopped by
Denton: Nice people/5 hour drive home in the dark

Anyway, aside from that, I caught the Simpsons flick, which was fun, and I've been buying CDs like I will be put in a space capsule soon. I have been re-learning to play guitar and I want to go buy some new pedals, but I want to make myself study a bit more. I feel my speaking lapsing, but I am trying to do some Japanese every day.

Ganbare!

Weird, fun stuff from Wikipedia

2007-06-20T21:26:00.000+09:00

OK, I've been meaning to do an in-depth post about Yatsushiro for everybody new who's peeped the page or written in (I promise not to swear!), but right now I'm busy moving so that'll have to wait.

In the meantime... yowza.

RIP Mr. Wizard

2007-06-14T00:16:00.000+09:00

Man, what a cool motherfucker.

Pour some out.

Good lord I miss America.

2007-06-13T23:26:00.000+09:00

I love grindcore. I don't love paying 40 bucks for it.

I am going through a pretty heavy bout of America withdrawal these days.

SERIOUSLY.

I think it's about time for a vacation. I just had a major job interview with a company that works out of LA AND T-dot, and I came right out and said 'relocation is not a problem.' I figure that would be the best of both worlds... home where I can actually save money and not have to deal with psychos for 3 months, then Crazy Funny Land for 3 months, over and over.

I love Tokyo. I do. Ever try heroin? Crack? PCP? Angel dust? Dr Pepper?

Same shit.

But there are a lot of downsides. Everybody leaves. People freak out. You spend a lot of time acting. Your brain turns to goo. You wonder if people want to know you because they like you, or if they want to know you because they want something from you.

Lately, my interpersonal relations have seemed to be running towards the latter. This is bumming me out.

The highs and the lows of the city function just like a drug functions in your blood stream. When it's fresh in your system, it's great to be here. It's great to be a part of the city. It's amazing when things are vital and happening and you're meeting people and laughing and you feel GOOD.

When you're not feeling good, the entire city just turns grey. You just kind of deal with things like they are accidents waiting to happen. It's crushing and harsh, and trying to describe it to people is futile, because you just come off as sad.

Eh. I shouldn't be upset. I got DVDs. I got books. I'm studying my ass off. Maybe a small trip somewhere will make me feel better. Korea, Thailand, Hong Kong...

Or Austin. :)

I'm gonna take this one back...

2007-06-10T22:36:00.000+09:00

Yeah, not exactly the Yatushiro soundtrack, but I'm still from La Porte, man.

Quick notes:

Back in school soon. Job interview tomorrow. TG's going good, but I'm busy as hell so it's slow.

I may be moving to another really notable part of Tokyo soon. Keep checking out.

New Shellac is out.

For the win...

2007-06-09T10:31:00.000+09:00

LET ME TASTE YOUR TEARS, PARIS!

Get a fuckin' DD. You got the money.

Donald Fagan: Really talented dude. Also: creepy.

2007-05-31T19:09:00.001+09:00

Is it just me or is Donald Fagan from Steely Dan the rapiest-looking motherfucker in the history of rapey-looking motherfuckers? Good lord, if that man came across as any more disturbing, he'd be offering to show some young kids some puppies in an arcade somewhere.

Anybody else he thinks he look like homeboy from The Damned?

...

Tracking through our sitemeter, it turns out a lot of people actually read this thing. A lot of them are newbies trolling for info about Yatsushiro (three good bars, several cool foreigners, and my ex-neighbor who thinks I'm on drugs), and the rest are hunting down Queens of the Stone Age, Shellac, and noise-rock stuff.

Good to see that I can bring my worlds together somehow. Next up, finding all those anal sex-loving models who are obsessive about mid-late 80's Japanese animation.

Douchebags and dating: human contact is over-rated.

2007-05-30T20:48:00.000+09:00

"Remember, the first three visits are really nothing more than three dates... and on the first three dates we don't have sex with a man or have him stay at our place overnight." - The Rules

"What's this 'we' shit, white boy?" - Tonto, replying to a hopelessly out-numbered Lone Ranger

Hey Chunklet, add something else to the list!

A lot of people feel I am a negative person. I do not share this view. For years, I have maintained a thoroughly (and BRUTALLY) realistic outlook on life, and I dare say it has served me well.

The questions arising to how I developed this viewpoint could be foregone conclusions according to anybody who has a tendency to jump to a fundamental attribution error. "You were probably traumatized somehow," would be the common refrain. Yeah, you know what? I've been stabbed, beaten, shot at, left for dead, hospitalized, abandoned, whatever. I have watched every relationship I have ever had, from my brothers to my lovers, go straight down the drain. I have had people who I considered friends stab me in the back at their first convenience. And you know what? I don't think any of it has an impact on how I deal with people beyond being keenly aware of my surroundings.

I'm not a professional victim. Play the cards you're dealt.

I developed a corollary long ago: human beings are sacks of lying, manipulative, horrific shit. Somebody will attempt to hurt you ONLY if they think you cannot do them harm. Make no mistake... it is a cynical, awful, and unpleasant way of thinking.

It is also 100 percent true.

Take my business, for example. At first, I was very flexible. And people took advantage of that. I lost money that I needed for things like food and clothing because I gave the benefit of the doubt to people I should not have. But now I find myself saying 'no' so much more often that it has become a cadence.

And man, is it gratifying.

Self-centered? No. I've never left somebody hanging out of sheer spite, no matter how much I've wanted to. I'm hardly an emotional vampire, feeding on misfortune or reveling in it. I'm not hyper-social, but I'm only mean when I feel cornered, so take that as you will. I feel honest in that regard. I can't fit the square peg in the round hole anymore.

(ANnnnNNNnnnnnd 'girlfriend joke')

Shakespeare once wrote something along the lines of 'A man's good is interned with his bones.' For the most part, this is true. People will find grounds for criticism and exclusivity anywhere. Hell, people make careers out of it. I've been paid to do it because of the internet chicken-hawking this page (thanks, JET!). People watch TV programs to see it (American Idol), or read books about it, like 48 Laws of Power or any number of guides about AVOIDING criticism or utilizying tactics that will provide him or her an 'edge' in life.

Being 'good' has no influence in life at the end of the day... in Platonic circles, being good was seen as it's own reward. Where are the Elysian Fields? Nowhere on your GPS. Some of the most beautiful and wonderful people in the world will die unloved and abused. Yet people will worship serial killers for years as they sit in a white room, waiting to die in a far more humane manner than they granted their victims.

Think of it this way... if the point of Christianity is 'God loves everyone', why do people feel morally satisfied when decrying other people as sinners or fools? If God really loved everyone, he would not require lip-service. You would have no exclusivity. You would be LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

Expect the pain. Don't give anybody anything you're not willing to lose. Everything else is just social proof.

"Never underestimate THE OTHER guy's greed."

THIS is the world I live in, people!

2007-05-28T19:48:00.000+09:00

OK, first off... I was walking through the park on Sunday, enjoying the lovely weather while wondering why I can't find a shirt to go with my new white blazer (WTF was I thinking?!?), and I came across sixty people dancing.

Like this:

And when I mean like this, I mean EXACTLY like the above video. When I asked about it, somebody called over a 'group leader' to explain the dance to me, while another person produced a cell phone for the purpose of playing the above video clip while the leader did the entire dance for me IN TIME to the video, which was 5 feet away from him and had no sound.

He was smartly dressed in a professional business suit and tie, with dress shoes. In the middle of a forest in Harajuku.

I was so moved I almost hugged him.

Fucking hell.

(Ed. note: one of the group laughingly referred to themselves as a 'cult.' Well, at least their honest?)

I`m busy. Not dead.

2007-05-17T09:50:00.000+09:00

Hey there.

Much to the chagrin of myself and anybody who appreciates fine displays of general malaise and flustered rancor, I have not had the time to update regularly. As far as a reason for this, I`d like to blame Tokyo, it`s scores of beautiful women, my ever-elongating hair, and my indescribably boring obsession with completing the 2級 Japanese grammar book that I bought off some guy in Aso.

頑張る敷かないと思う。

So in and out in 30 seconds.

1. Looking for a new job, most probably in travel or entertainment. No, not `male stripper.`

2. Checking the possibility of visiting the US again if I still am working at this job in 2 months. Will probably visit LA, Vegas, Austin, New York whilst avoiding the shit out of that smog-filled scrotum of hopeless despair known as Houston.

3. Not playing music right now. Just don`t feel it, and if I`m going to do it I`m going to do it all the way.

4. What the hell does に限らず mean?

5. None of my old clothes fit so I am getting rid of them. I am also deep-sixing a lot of books and misc. things. Luckily the books are going to people and places that can use them. Throwing books away is a crime.

Especially comics.

6. MADLIB!

Um....

2007-05-03T10:44:00.000+09:00

"You'll be getting about 350,000 dollars."

SOLD.

SOLD.

SOLD.

I guess I don't have a reason for putting off that iPod and that suit I've been looking at.

Party day part 2

2007-04-14T21:00:00.000+09:00

Cleaning up from last night... and I really mean cleaning up... I'm off to the Earth Wind and Fire premiere party. That's a band with black people in it, for those of you in Japan from Canada or some shitty part of Europ who may be reading this and have never met a black person before.

I'm sleepy, but I'll rock some coffee and be good.

Fuck it.

2007-04-13T15:42:00.000+09:00

3:42 PM. If I don't hear anything by 8, I am going out getting shitfaced, and fucking handling my biz.

Tonight will end in laughter and/or vomit. WORD LIFE!

Dear life, as of Wed, April 11 at 11:18 PM

2007-04-11T23:17:00.000+09:00

Life, if you were a person, I would hope that you and everybody you care about dies in a fucking elevator accident.

Well, that's 2750 dollars I'll be using towards nothing good.

2007-04-10T01:18:00.000+09:00

In celebration of today's mercy screw jackpot, I bring you some classic Superchunk:

I've been drunk for a week.

2007-04-09T13:58:00.000+09:00

I just realized I've been slightly hammered/buzzed for a week. I don't view it as an accomplishment or something to brag about*, I just think it's strange for me. I get to feeling strange and otherworldly when I drink... not in a mean way, or in a 'commit a crime' way... it just seems that things assume a stark formlessness and the shell of reality seems to prevail itself far more like a tapestry of dreams and simulacra, where real events or occurences don't carry any particular meaning or weight. And all I can do is smile.

Dis-association maybe? I don't quite know how to describe it. It's not like I feel that I need alcohol or anything.

* = Although I would like to remind my readers that, much like Pos from De La Soul, "Instead of zig-zaggin', (I) got a degree in braggin'."

Our boy Mike joined Queens of the Stone Age!

2007-04-08T10:12:00.000+09:00

KXLA veteran and all-around sweetheart Michael Shuman has apparently joined Queens of the Stone Age. Mike plays in Wires on Fire as well, who fucking RULE. Imagine a bunch of 20 year-old Birthday Party fanatics who just slayyyyyyy like they don't know how to do anything else.

I think Mike's still in WoF, which means he'll be tag-teaming all kinds of girls betwixt the two... although Jeff Lynn may pull away with the trophy on that one. Good move, DJ!

"Are you girls like, the cowgirls of Duke?"

2007-04-08T03:47:00.000+09:00

Ha. I will start referring to girls like this as 'Cowgirls' from now on.

...

By the way, free tequila is kind of awesome.

'She had a dick, man.'

2007-04-08T03:27:00.000+09:00

Spent the day handling business and trying to relax. Best friend from up the street and I ended up getting shitfaced, listening to J Zay, and watching Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I had plans for the evening, but I actually slept for once. I wish I could keep a decent sleep schedule, but it ain't happening. Sucks.

...

Records I want:

Big Business "Here Come The Waterworks"
Nine Inch Nails "Year Zero" (Nowhere NEAR as shitty as some of his other stuff)
Wires on Fire (whatever... these dudes SLAY)
Fatal Flying Guilloteens "Quantum Fucking" (Former employees/older brothers... this shit WILL slay)
Monorchid
Nation of Ulysses "13 Point Plan to Destroy America"

...

Striked from the list! Things that no longer makes sense to talk about from this point on:

A. School: Seriously, who didn't get enough of this garbage the first time around? Reminiscing on stuff like this is just pointless and runs contrary to most of the experiences I know a lot of people had or have had. Maybe you did enjoy school. If you did, good for you, that's cool. Me, I run into people I went to school with for years and they treat me like a fucking war hero, when in reality I barely spoke to anybody because for four years I was surrounded by humorless watered-down future members of some Mike Harris Toronto conservative party.

B. Mom and dad: "My family" this, "my family" that... let's hear it for dysfunction once in awhile. I'm pretty sure my family would throw me to a pack of wolves if they felt like it, and I'm probably a better person for it.

C. "I hate Japan" followed by 20 minutes of non-stop bitching. Just get a ticket home. Sell your shit and leave. We're not talking brain surgery.

D. Girlfriend/Boyfriend.

E. Le Mepris: We broke up because one dude couldn't get along with another. That simple.

F. "What part of Europe are you from?" Compton, uh, Dre found me in the slums.

Well, allow me to retort... 30/30 day 2.

2007-04-06T23:35:00.000+09:00

Got a whiff of some teenage girl bullshit via boredom.

Last year a friend got bored and updated the Yatsushiro wikipedia page with a bunch of half-truths. Oddly enough, most of them are factually verifiable. I had mentioned something about how we should turn it into an absurdity contest, and then nothing else was made of it.

You're happy, I'm happy. OK.

Anyway, I checked it out yesterday to see what was going on with it, and not only had a few wikipedia superheros ("I live behind a screen!") gone in and expressed their expert historical opinions, one d-bag fired off with:

"90% of this can be deleted. I understand it was written by some Texan who was for some baffling reason employed to teach English in Yatsushiro. He has a talentless blog, composed mostly of swearing, bragging and references to his tedious antics, in which he refers to this entry about Yatsushiro in Wikipedia, so I assume he was congratulating himself. Yawn. Kikimac 18:21, 25 March 2007 (UTC)"

Well, you understand wrong. I also commend you for signing somebody else's name to it. Your grammar isn't exactly going to get you published anytime soon, either.*

But don't worry... I fixed it for you, you fucking cow.

* = Me = published author. You = anonymous doucher hiding behind the persona of a 90 pound girl I happen to think is very nice.

I hope so.

2007-04-05T22:53:00.001+09:00

March to fuzz / March to fired

2007-04-05T15:49:00.000+09:00

30 in 30/1.

BACK ON THE HORSE.

Just spent a week in Kyushu. It was nice overall, although towards the end I had a bad luck streak that has only continued.

The roundup, you ask?

Gladly.

- Girls
- Came out of retirement again on the drinking thing (well, 3 beers)
- Ipod broke
- Ex-bosses stick their tongues up my Hershey
- Stabbed in the hand cleaning up somebody's mess
- Glasses broke
- Think I might marry an OL.
- Mt. Aso death march from 4:30 AM onward.
- Old creepy Japanese woman admonished me to do the deed that my Jamaican college roommates advised me against
- Hung out with the OTHER angry black dude I'm best friends with
- 'What part of Europe are you from?' x 1000
- May be getting pledged to enroll in a black fraternity. I'm not kidding you.
- Portugal 3 ROCKING ME FROM THE FLOOR UP. Thanks Kazuki!
- 11 hour-deep Nyquill pass-out

The death of the ipod was a problem that could not have come at a worse time. I sincerely hope whoever checked my unit gets a vitamin deficiency and has to spend 2 or 3 hours in a state of great agony and boredom whilst getting a blood transfusion. Or Hepatitis.

Where the fuck am I going to put the new Dinosaur album?

...

Anyway, life's playlist:

Mudhoney (first two records)
Dinosaur Jr (You're Living All Over Me)
Karp (self-titled)
God's Temple of Family Deliverance
Mobb Deep (Assorted... just any song about killing people, really)
Locust (Plague Soundscapes)
English Beat (singles: Save it For Later/Mirror in the Bathroom)
The Jam (Eaton Rifles)
Sade (Any... 'natch)
Chavez (any)
Arcwelder

To all the girls I've loved before: Let me fuck you.

2007-03-21T18:32:00.001+09:00

As time marches on, people change. Lives change. You grow up. You grow older. Your responsibilities take up more of your time. As life goes on and things get more complex, you realize 'man, I don't want to be the old guy in the club.' Then you start changing and becoming more of an adult... you're not starting fights anymore. You don't particularly care to listen to new bands. You don't mind that your pants don't fit anymore. You realize Vice magazine IS retarded. You grow.

Me, I'm living life ass-backward. When I was young I was all-work, no anything else. I was an efficient, gut-churning knuckle cracking machine. After awhile I became like the dudes from Mobb Deep: "fuck a new friend, they just potential enemies."

But as time marched on, I have changed. Shout out to Glen Morales for the advice. I now have tons of free-time. I am so physically differnt from a year and a half ago that people don't recognize me anymore. I saved a fuckton of money that I will retire on ASAP. I love my job. I am kicking ass on the stuff that killed me back when I (sort of) went to school. I'm happy. I'm content. And I'm trying to help the few people that used to help me, and trying to make up for the awful things I got caught up in when I was younger which have haunted me for years.

Now comes to kicker.

To all the old girls I used to have crushes on: LET ME FUCK YOU.

Seriously, now's the time. You're getting older. Being a drunk skank at 21 was acceptable... at 26 it's kind of sad. You're now staring down the barrel of the '2 kids and a minivan' gun, which is perfectly respectable and an admirable way to live your life. You gotta prepare. You gotta save. You gotta make decisions that will affect your life and the lives of people you love.

But I ain't doin' it, and that's not my fault, so let me fuck you.

Seriously, what do you say you build a nice pyre and we have a viking funeral for your youth? The match and gas combo? My slinger and yer thinger.

Now, I may have a reputation as a ~~lady-killer~~, ~~asshole~~, ~~Machiavellian zombie on a slow-mo death march~~, but really I'm a very charming and wonderful man. Seriously. Every woman I've dated will attest to this. Ask around.

For the sake of argument and consideration, I'll throw down the top five reasons you should jump on the old pogo stick after half a bottle of red-wine and the first few songs of Sade's Love Deluxe album.

1. You liked me when you were younger, despite yourself.

2. My record collection drops jaws.

3. A diet of tuna fish, vegetables, and water has made me inhuman in terms of energy.

4. I'll never see you again. Don't front like you'll catch me at the grocery store.

5. You're still mad about your ex-boyfriend.

So book up an evening at a cheap motel. Get some Mad Dog 20/20 or some Moet if you're feelin' 'high-class.' Stop thinkin' about the mortgage. Relax and let the wave o'Ev' wash over you like so much lava-of-love. And prepare some ice.

Because I'm not 15 anymore.

Just to remind you that I'm a MASSIVE nerd:

2007-03-21T08:54:00.001+09:00

4 weeks of growth as of last Saturday

2007-03-20T17:26:00.000+09:00

Please note that my dad is part Native American, hence the slow growth. Argh matey. Argh.

Also, if genetics is any standard, somebody in my family was also part black. Hey-o!

This is why I live in Tokyo...

2007-03-15T08:46:00.001+09:00

For shit like THIS:

Rat curry served to 18 people at train station noodle stand

A curry that was boiled up with a rat in the pot has been served to 18 people at a noodle stand at JR Shin-Koiwa Station in Tokyo, the operator of the stand said.

Nippon Restaurant Enterprise Co. (NRE), the operator of the noodle stand, has apologized for the incident. "We offer our apologies and will return the money to customers who contact us," a company spokesman said. Nobody who ate at the stand has so far complained about any health problems.

Between 6:15 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. on Tuesday, curry and rice and curry noodles were served to 18 customers at Ajisai Chaya noodle stand at JR Shin-Koiwa Station in Katsushika-ku, Tokyo, NRE officials said.

At around 8:30 a.m., an 8-centimeter-long rat was caught by a ladle when the manager stirred the curry in the pot, prompting him to immediately close the stand.

NRE officials said it is highly likely that the rat was mixed into the curry when the sauce was put into the pot. (Mainichi)

So my brother has three beers... also: Japanese.

2007-03-13T22:18:00.000+09:00

...

40 kanji away from knocking out the requirements for 2 kyuu.

40 kanji.

3 days.

Gully.

I've been slaving away for 3 months trying to knock that garbage out, and I'm almost there. Then again, when I'm finished I gotta learn another 1000 to get to 1 kyuu, but when I get to 1kyuu I'll be a. old, and b. probably well on my way to workin' in Iowa and praying for my own death or some such bullshit.

(Still beats living in England or whatever.)

I originally aimed to have 2 kyuu by this year. Please repeat with me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

Alright.

Regardless, when I take that test (and when I say this I mean 'take', like 'Mike Tyson will TAKE that P'), I hope to then use my skills in Japanese to move out of English and into more entertainment work. If worse comes to worse, I can go back to teaching Japanese in America, where the actual MONEY is when you roll with the language game proper-like.

That's hilarious, right? Also, it's kinda messed up when you think about it. You move here, rock out some high class Japanese tests, and then people offer peanuts for hard-ass work. That's a sucker's game.Take note: translating is some real shit, both an art and a science. I love Japan and I love Japanese, and I can attest that Japan will ALWAYS be a part of my life, but I'm not about to black hole my existence just to stay here when the green's on the other end.

I know a dude who got 1kyuu and moved here to start translating, but he took an ALT job first. That's like becoming a brain surgeon and then rolling up to a pre-school saying 'yo, let me bandage up some scrapes, Flo!'

At the same time, on the English front, I wish people were a bit more serious about keeping their 'ones up' so-to-speak. I keep getting emails from other instructors and I need a Turing machine have to time to figure that garbage out. I'm intent on making a more serious effort to learn the parts of speech so I can delineate them clearly and properly for my students, but some of those grammar terms are slippery as a greased eel. I guess this is why I think I would have been better off studying linguistics instead of film. I don't think you can really teach English unless you have the tools to break it down.

The irony of the whole situation is I've basically just learned to read in 3 months, but my speaking has gone to SHIT lately due to my concentrating almost completely on reading. I can understand up to 60% of daily conversations and meetings, but my speaking is still stuck in 'I need 2 cups of coffee and some mini-thins' mode. Oh well.

Wow, what the fuck was that?

2007-03-12T22:07:00.000+09:00

Went to sleep on Saturday quite exhausted and tired from band practice.

(OK. And drinking)

Anyway I hopped back up bright and early on Sunday morning and I felt as if my soul had be sucked out of my body. And not in one of those 'wow, this Philipino-tranny is getting a tip!' ways... more like I had head my head, veins, and guts drained of anything that could resemble energy. I literally just laid there 95% of the day, excepting a run for envelopes and some food. Tokyogetter moved like a slug that day.

I then passed out 3 or 4 times. At the end of the day, 9:30 PM, I was looking over kanji and just BIT THE DUST. From 9:30 to 6:00 AM I was sawing all kinds of logs. We're talking deep paralysis. I don't remember anything besides waking up with the lights on and my windows still open. It was like being a Bush daughter.

Lately I've been feeling both antsy and lethargic. The intense cold I got last month really whooped my ass, but I feel like I've recovered. I try to do physical things, but I don't want to tempt another cold/hypothermia for a few more weeks. I really think it's my diet. Granted, moving to Japan and dropping 50 fucking pounds is enough to cause anybody to be concerned, but it's not like I was eating great. It was mostly stress and studying and whatnot. Now I'm actually consterned and worried about it, because I truly am feeling quite Ass-a-riffic, plus the city is just about to have amazing weather again and I don't want to sit here staring at my dvd collection until I'm 50.

In keeping with that, I have done the impossible: I have started trying to cook real meals for myself.

Granted, I'm starting off slow, least any of you think I'm a step away from deciding who looks better in cordorouy pants (Dan, Jamie, I'm looking your way) or judging a semen taste-test. Mixed vegetables, lightly sauced pasta, etc. are on the list. I think I also eat too much salt, so I'll try and watch that as well. It's hard though.

And caffeine... trying to not touch any for a bit. Trying. I usually knock back one or two a day, but I also chug SHITLOADS of water.

Probably not going to succeed on the caffeine thing.

Oh well. Wish me luck.

...

Update: paycheck woes with former employer 'cause me to prepare the obligatory 'kill them with kindness whilst reminding them about a ROYAL FUCK-UP IN MY POCKY FUND' email. Stay tuned!

Careers that are full of shit: part one.

2007-03-10T01:21:00.000+09:00

Day 2 and 3 went out the window because of a sale at the company and because I had a crazy-assed day yesterday teaching until late. Today was good though. I am currently filled with Mexican food and my eyes are droopy as hell. So let's list careers that are full of shit.

Assistant Language Teachers.

Personal Assistants.

Occupational Therapists.

...

And that's enough to satisfy me for now. Next up: 10 + hours of sleep.

Day 2: Memorizin' shit.

2007-03-06T22:09:00.000+09:00

I knew I said I was going to write about how I'm now 'on-hiatus' from tutoring right now, but this commercial melted my face, blew my brain apart, ripped out my eyes, and humped the sockets until I had mangravy pouring out of my ears.

The best part about this? It makes me not want to go back to America, well, almost as much as it makes me want to go back to America. Oh, and check the eyes at 1:14. That's definitely a bit of some 'tie the girl up and saw her head off while she's still alive' J Dahmer action.

Take a stretch and warm up: 30 for 30.

2007-03-05T14:27:00.000+09:00

I am the kind of ~~over-accomplishing cockhole~~ guy who has `Winter projects.` When it`s cold outside and I am trying to save money, I find it`s nice to have something to focus on that will keep me from getting loaded too much, putting on 10 pounds, or casually watching my career oppurtunities and friendships self-destruct.

(For any of you wondering, I am 2 for 4 this year)

Last year it was completing my intermediate Japanese course (終わった！) and moving to Tokyo (めんどうくさい！)．This year I am focusing on completing the kanji requirements for the second level of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, expanding the profile of my export company, and making a truly harrowing attempt at facial hair. The latter is a much-derided inability of mine, but I figure since my day job could be described as `be awesome, talk shit, compare notes about juvenile delinquency with other people that don`t really belong there`, they`ll definitely let me slide on the week and a half of growth that I already have on my face.

As a reminder to stay up in this bloggin` bitch like a fat kid on a piece of cheesecake, I have decided to do 30 posts in as many days. Sometimes I may double up or make allowances for traveling or pocky addiction, but regardless I am driven to knock a bunch out. You`ll have plenty of time to ponder why Yatsushiro`s answer to L from Death Note is not dead in a gutter or something.

Tomorrow: Dean Morgan Academy and I get a divorce.

Later: Golden Gai, graduation, Goth night triple-header.

Inheriting a headache: Shinzo Abe is fucking up.

2007-02-25T15:10:00.000+09:00

Dig this article.

I guess it's like being upstaged by your opening act, but nobody seems to feel what Shinzo Abe is about. A lot of people suspect a return to militarism is part of Abe's design for the nation, and others feel that the notable and expanding gap between rich and poor is a major problem. Factor in Korean relations, shifting war-time responsibilities, and the changing face of Japan's internal labor force and you're lookin' at some major crap you have to deal with, no?

The newest poster on Tokyogetter.com?

2007-02-15T21:14:00.000+09:00

Discountviagra.

Does this asshole even know the gender of 95% of our regulars? Wow.

今週のNews...

2007-01-29T23:04:00.000+09:00

HOLY SHIT! RUN CHRIS, RUN!

Fuck you, 'Lumine.'

2007-01-29T22:55:00.000+09:00

'Cuz City Hunter ain't makin' no moves in front of that shit.

Mycity, the Tokyo institution, upped and changed it's name to Lumine EST last year. Lame. This is the equivalent of the Monroeville Mall in PA (that's the US for all of our international readers) chucking all the cool shit out they had in the Dawn of The Dead movie.

Let's face it, Shinjuku... you're a shitty part of the city. You're over-crowded, you're annoying, and you generally look like a bunch of buildings made of syphillus and painted up with a nice neon-tinted case of AIDS. At least when you had 'MyCity' you had a piece of art that resonated through 80s/90s movies and animation. 'Lumine' just sounds like a new brand of douche.

Tokyo... the city where if it's NOT 120 years old, it must be burned down or changed.

New TV schedule for you foreign downloaders out there.

2007-01-06T21:36:00.000+09:00

I picked this up off the most annoying site in JET-dom. Pretty useful though!

First Date of TV shows after the Winter Hiatus

24 Jan. 14 (Sun)
30 Rock Jan. 4 (Thur)
Amazing Race: All Stars Feb. 11 (Sun)
Battlestar Galactica Jan. 21 (Sun)
Bones Jan. 24 (Wed)
Boston Legal Jan. 9 (Tue)
Brothers & Sisters Jan. 7 (Sun)
CSI Jan. 4 (Thur)
CSI: Miami Jan. 8 (Mon)
CSI: NY Jan. 10 (Wed)
Degrassi: TNG Jan. 2 (Tue)
Desperate Housewives Jan. 7 (Sun)
*Dirt Jan. 2 (Tue)
Friday Night Lights Jan. 10 (Wed)
Gilmore Girls Jan. 23 (Tue)
Grey's Anatomy Jan. 11 (Thur)
Heroes Jan. 22 (Mon)
House Jan. 9 (Tue)
How I Met Your Mother Jan. 8 (Mon)
*In Case of Emergency Jan. 3 (Wed)
Jericho Feb. 14 (Wed)
Law & Order Jan. 5 (Fri)
Law & Order: CI Jan. 9 (Tue)
Law & Order: SVU Jan. 9 (Tue)
Lost Feb. 7 (Wed)
Medium Jan. 10 (Wed)
My Name Is Earl Jan. 4 (Thur)
Numb3rs Jan. 5 (Fri)
Prison Break Jan. 29 (Mon)
Scrubs Jan. 4 (Thur)
Smallville Jan. 11 (Thur)
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip Jan. 8 (Mon)
Supernatural Jan. 11 (Thur)
The L Word Jan. 7 (Sun)
The Office Jan. 4 (Thur)
The Sopranos April 8 (Sun)
The Shield Jan. 9 (Tue)
The Unit Jan. 16 (Tue)
Ugly Betty Jan. 4 (Thur)
Veronica Mars Jan. 23 (Tue)

* New shows

Pour some out on the block

2007-01-06T13:01:00.000+09:00

Instant ramen creator Ando heads for the hot water pot in the sky.

Me? Still running Tokyogetter, still living in Tokyo. I will try to update more, but things have been quite hectic lately.

Yatsrad: Now celebrating 26 years of 'I marginally give a shit about anything'

2006-11-01T20:51:00.000+09:00

26 years. Just yesterday I was 16, overweight, watching Gundam and not dating anybody.

Now I'm 26, overweight only in my stomach, watching Gundam and not dating anybody by choice.

Ahem.

What can you get me for my birthday? Well, order something from Tokyo Getter or give me Nakama Yuki. Whichever comes first.

The power of geekery...

2006-10-15T19:10:00.000+09:00

Wow, I really busted a geek stitch this week. Went to Akihabara twice, Mandarake in Shibuya once, and then to both the Jigoku Shoujo 'meido cafe'* and the Parco new anime exhibit, where I got to scope out the new series from tons of companies. All of the old standbys were there of course, such as Gainax, Bandai Visual, Production IG, and Gonzo. All and all, there was some pretty cool stuff there that I look forward to watching when it comes out. '

I've got some good purchases lined up for my regular customers and I'm happy about that.

Anyway, you should entertain yourself by checking out the Freedom Project, which was apparently created by Akira mastermind Katsuhiro Otomo. Dig it here.

* = This is a joke on 'Maid Cafes' as well as Jigoku Shoujo. "Meido" means hell or Hades, and "Jigoku Shoujo" translates as 'Hell Girl.' So you get all the fun of a maid cafe, but centered around a demon that takes your soul.

Google buys Youtube; Shitty Bloggers Everywhere Terrified.

2006-10-10T18:26:00.000+09:00

Since I'm working off a cold that may as well be called "InfluenzaAIDSPolioTB 2006-a-pooloza", I haven't been updating much. I apologize, but fucking hell... the NoKos are busy setting off nukes and shit, so I'm busy getting dressed for the H-bomb. At least give me a few moments of joy before I proceed to bum you the hell out.

With that said...

In a move recalling the days when that asshole from Gothic.net had a chance to do something with his life beyond being broke and sad, Google bought Youtube for 1.6 billion or some shit.

Now every "I don't need content if I just link shit from Youtube!" writer out there is chunking in their pants, and every slash-dot (note: this still sounds like kid-porn phrasing) doink is posting about it like anybody gives a shit what some network admin thinks.

My opinion? Good for them. Now to use some of that crack software they have online to save as many videos as I can.

It's my mom's birthday.

2006-10-01T16:53:00.000+09:00

Let's listen to Pentagram and celebrate.

i realized that if i was a black porn star i'd like to be named "Back Door Action Jackson"

2006-09-29T10:00:00.000+09:00

I showed this to my kids at one of my high schools.

GREATEST. TEACHER. EVER.

Beat that, motherfucker.

Holy crap...

2006-09-24T23:35:00.000+09:00

I am so stoked.

In other news, I am pitching new articles to Japanzine and studying Japanese for another test. Expect some "real" updates soon.

BTW, the Prime Minister "race" was about as eventful as watching slugs fuck. On drying paint. In slow motion. Was there a point to that?

This poem is called "Put Something In." Yeah, I laughed too.

2006-09-21T20:33:00.000+09:00

Nathan but penetration.

Yoshinoya Beef Bowl is back! (At your own risk)

2006-09-18T11:04:00.000+09:00

From the Kumamoto JET list... yes, I still keep up with this shit.

" Yoshinoya will again begin to sell GYUDON. The ban on US beef and Yoshinoya's unwillingness to use beef from other countries as a substitute have kept Yoshinoya from selling gyudon for over two years.

This is a very very happy day. Yoshinoya will sell gyudon at all of its stores on Monday. The lack of sufficient US beef, though, will prevent Yoshinoya from selling it in all of its stores after Monday. It will come back in full force eventually, but for now it is just Monday. Gyudon sales will be very limited during September and October, so your best chance is now.

I imagine that some of you have never had gyudon before...all I can really say is that you cannot miss this important chance to taste the melt-in-your- mouth deliciousness of gyudon at Yoshinoya. You won't regret it."

What I think home dude really means is that if you'd like to have some bad beef over greasy rice for a hugely inflated price, then TODAY'S YOUR DAY!

Dear Japan, re: need new crazy people

2006-09-18T01:04:00.000+09:00

Hey there.

Thanks again for letting me stay here. Yes, I'm doing well. Yeah, I found the good record stores. Yes, I'm eating. Yes, I am dating more thanks to my dropping a shitload of weight. By the way, why don't you make some real food available now and again? I'd cut off a toe for some genuine pizza right now.

No shit.

Anyway, it seems that the Tokyo district court has seen fit to uphold the death sentence of Japan crazy guy numero uno Shoko Asahara. Good move, I say. After all, not only was homedude batshit "I could be in Japanther!" insane, but he also could've offed thousands of more people had he not been lazy and OK'd the use of impure isopropyll methaphosphano flouridate. What a dick! Be sure and do some suitably crazy shit for the execution... we know how you made moves in Nanking. You can't act like you're a virgin with this one, so no playing coy!

The thing you gotta remember is that Shoko was the king o' out-to-lunch. He was your Charles Manson, and he also scared the shit out of me when I was 14 or 15 watching the Japanese news in La Porte Texas, of all places. He was a bully, a douchebag, and an inveterate asshole of such great standards that he could've been related to me. So in short: good move.

(And yes, I will not forget to mention that you put me right into his hometown of Yatsushiro when I first came here. Didn't we all have a good laugh at that, you spiteful cock? At least I'm not watching my life rot away there anymore...)

But anyway, since you've decided to do whatever-the-hell you're going to do with Blind Man Crazy Pants, this creates a new problem: YOU'RE OUT OF PSYCHOS.

Now when I say 'psychos', I'm not talking about the kind of garden-variety, mediocre, start-a-fight-over-some-stupid-shit assholes that inhabit places like Texas. I'm talking FUCKING NUTBARS, the kind of people who can grab your attention and keep it. What happened to that half-Brazilian dirtball who offed some girl and put her in a box? Or the random asshole who threw one or two people off a building in the Tokyo suburbs in April? Or the fucking nurse who carved up her roommate out of jealousy for her boyfriend and then got engaged to him after they found her body in various dumpsters?

Exactly. No staying power. Here today, gone tomorrow. The "Hey Ya" of crazy-asses.

It's not like I'm solely obsessed with being morbid. Far from it. In fact, you don't even need to have somebody who's caught a body or two. Hell, import Mariah Carey's crazy ass. Bobby and Whitney may be looking for new places soon, ya dig? And in just 2 years you can have George W. here. He can even hang out with his girlfriend Junichiro Koizumi, who has been doing everything to keep Japan on the world stage as nothing more than America's condom since he took office! Hey, I think most of my old college girlfriends are still drawing breath. How's by I dump some of them on you? You'll be amazed at some of the nonsensical shit that they dropped in my lap, and then you'll probably end up moving halfway around the world and learning a different language just to get away from that kind of crap! Ha! Wouldn't THAT be a laugh?

Look, what I'm saying is simple: you need LONGEVITY when it comes to your incessant, annoying fucktarded personalities. Less At The Drive In, more Black Sabbath. Ya dig?

Ann Richards = now dead.

2006-09-15T09:39:00.000+09:00

Lonelygirl15, schmonleygirl15...

2006-09-12T08:31:00.000+09:00

I'm late on this whole Lonelygirl15 internet craze... mostly because white girls are pretty much completely off my radar.

(Hi Susan!)

Anyway, Youtube hoax or not... lady, just hurry up and TRIM THOSE FUCKING EYEBROWS already. They look like they're about to declare autonomy and drop a colony on Australia.

Tokyo dictionary

2006-09-06T13:43:00.000+09:00

New cities and new neighborhoods require new language. Even new musical movements, like that gay-ass hyphy movement needs new slang to validate it.

Well, I'm writing the Tokyo dictionary now, so dig the following and feel free to add your own.

Short-time: 1. A person who is brand new to the country. Not neccesarily mean-spirited, although it can be used that way. 2. A pejorative directed towards a person who is blatantly not enjoying their time in Japan, and will thus be leaving ASAP.

The Library: Any large bookstore with a suitably-sized English section which one will use for reading only. Shinjuku's Kinokuniya is the prime example of this.

"I'm out son, gonna go hit the library and see what's popping with Akira volume four.

Big Daikoner: A person who's established internet/mailing-list/web presence is totally contradictory when contrasted against their real-life existence. Usually used for obsessive online shit-talkers, know-it-alls, and trolls. Originating from Big Daikon. Also see: Big Liekon.

F.F.: Acronymn for "Fuckin' foreigner," a semi-ironic term applied to a person who may be lousing up your long-term living plans with his or here "HEY I'M ON VACATION!" attitude towards Japan and Japanese people. Often used by people suffering from the "My Japan" syndrome.

T.W.M.: Acronymn for "Tokyo Weird Movement," a descriptor used by a select few regular drinkers (HOLLER AT YOUR BOY, KUMAMOTO!) for those with artistic aspirations in and around Tokyo. Also see: Dekasegi Hantai.

Fat Scratch Jackson: Somebody rolling in dough. Can be used to describe a short-timer or somebody on vacation who spends money like it grows on trees. Often not derogatory, although it depends on the familiarity one has with the addressee.

Ex: "Fat Scratch Jackson here showed some love to us at the club."

Captain Bitter: One who constantly moans and bitches like a virgin with a thumb in her about Japan, the Japanese, and other people.

A.I.D.S. Bait: 1. A person who attracts questionable-looking foreign sex partners. 2. A questionable-looking foreign sex partner.

Ex: "She was feeling my steez, but son that mess was straight AIDS bait."

D'ed up: Using a heavy amount of energy drink to make up for being in a state of extreme drowsiness or sluggishness.

Encyclopedia Brown, aka "The Encyclopedia": Pejorative for somebody who feels the need to tell you everything about Japan or translate things for you in a condescending or harsh way without being asked or invited to.

"Fucking Encyclopedia Brown needs to cut out the mess, or else I'll go Eddie Murphy's couch on his ass."

Wow. Wrong, but funny.

2006-09-06T13:01:00.000+09:00

Today's required reading re: Koizumi

2006-09-03T11:45:00.000+09:00

You'll hear a lot of positives about Koizumi now that he's about to step down, but some people aren't afraid to note the negatives. Dig this interview with Minoru Morita and read the noted political lecturer's thoughts on why Koizumi was bad for Japan.

Then go look at shit on youtube.

Gah, I'm busy, alright?

2006-08-31T20:42:00.000+09:00

OK, people keep bitching and complaining about me not posting as much. Let me run it down for you:

1. Quit old job. Took family around Japan in a whirlwind 12 day tour. Took several new jobs and moved to Tokyo after a brief vacation, whereupon I began several harsh (and THANKLESS) part-time jobs where I got to interact with egomaniacs, assholes, and sociopaths whilst biding my time between writing, shooting videos, and yes, fucking MODELING.

2. Had 2 different companies violate 2 different contracts. This means I'm out about 1300 bucks, which is a shitload for me.

3. Ebaying nerd-porn from Comiket. Word.

4. Catching up on those Cure records I missed out on when I was in my punk rock phase... which oddly enough has not ended yet.

5. Studying for my next Japanese level proficiency test. Ever study kanji for an hour plus a day? Ever want to kill a family of four for farting in your direction? Same vibe.

'Nuff said.

I promise this site will be back to normal soon. Just give me one more week. Seriously.

"NERDS!" Comic Market 2005 review video...

2006-08-30T22:01:00.001+09:00

This is still a work in progress. I'm having a real problem getting quality encodings via EZcleaner, so I may throw that in the shitpile soon. Have at it in its low-fi glory until I figure out how to fix this bitch.

Hey Fukuoka... GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

2006-08-30T20:25:00.000+09:00

According to NHK, it appears that Fukuoka has lost it's bid to be Japan's contending city in the race to host the 2016 Olympics.

The winner? Tokyo.

(Who DIDN'T see that one coming?)

(Pictured above: citi di loserio>)

Dear World, re John Mark Karr

2006-08-29T18:42:00.000+09:00

Fucking DUH.

Sometimes you will fall for anything. Hey, I'd cop a lot of shit to get out of a Thai prison too.

I get emails...

2006-08-23T00:02:00.000+09:00

"Hello,

I have tuaght English before for a short time and was wondering if there would be
someone who could reccomend to me some schools that would be good.

Thanks"

Jesus Buttery Christ. And you know this guy will end up here. You know it.

I get the best IM's pt. 5: Going for BROKE.

2006-08-19T03:00:00.000+09:00

Evin Relocation: yatsrad.blogspot.com/

Drubicle: cool. didnt know you had a blog

Evin Relocation: you didn't?

Drubicle: nopers

Drubicle: i know now

Evin Relocation: You realize I have to pee in your mailbox now, right?

Drubicle: aww sheeiit

Drubicle: that would be difficult. youd have to stand on something to pee in my mailbox to get it all in

Evin Relocation: do you have some kind of super mailbox?

Evin Relocation: Optimus Prime in mailbox form?

Drubicle: no its just like 4 feet tall

Drubicle: HAHA

Drubicle: yes he morphs

Evin Relocation: sir, I can stick my dick in something four feet tall.

Drubicle: well youd have to get on your tippy toes

Evin Relocation: midgets are underrated. word to fantasy island.

Drubicle: haha

I get the best IM's pt. 4

2006-08-19T02:37:00.000+09:00

Evin Relocation: http://www.rksound.com/DSC00522.JPG

creaig: what's that from?

Evin Relocation: Sign on the street

Evin Relocation: I explained to them what it meant

Evin Relocation: and they changed it

creaig: hah, good thing you took the pic first

Evin Relocation: indeed!

Evin Relocation: they started to change it and i was like "no! let me take a picture!"

Evin Relocation: i dunno if i should feel bad for making them do extra work though : /

creaig: was it that much extra work though?

Evin Relocation: well, there's a panda, creaig

Evin Relocation: you ungrateful non-panda-loving cocksmoker

creaig: sorry, didn't realize they had to find another kid with downs to draw the panda, that would have been extra work

Evin Relocation: HAHAHAHAHAHHA

I get the best IM's pt. 3

2006-08-19T02:32:00.000+09:00

sssdddccc: not sure if she thought of it or not, but a girl i know has "i'm all up in that pussy like cervical cancer" as her away message.

sssdddccc: that's some cold-blooded shit, man.

Evin Relocation: that's too mean-ish for me

Evin Relocation: i mean, it's a GOOD turn of phrase, but pussy time is fun time

sssdddccc: yeah, i was like...whoa.

Evin Relocation: unless you're (EX'S NAME), then it's "your huge and it hurts and ow!"

sssdddccc: kids these days.

Evin Relocation: hence = JAPAN.

sssdddccc: you should require boc's "godzilla" to be played during sex over there.

sssdddccc: that'd be some fine pipe-layin' music.

Evin Relocation: hahahah

Evin Relocation: "oh no! there goes tokyo!"

sssdddccc: totally.

Very busy with some stuff right now, but I leave you this food for thought:

2006-08-14T13:16:00.000+09:00

Me at Comiket. Please discuss.

For my dead homies...

2006-08-11T23:49:00.000+09:00

Bad news to brighten an otherwise glorious day, but Hirotaka Suzuoki, aka Noah Bright from Gundam's popular UC timeline, has passed away due to lung cancer. He was 56.

RIP dude. We know you'll be pimp-slapping Amuro and Camille in heaven.

You can view the Asahi.com post in Japanese here.

An open letter to Cansei de Ser Sexy from the desk of Evan Jones.

2006-08-06T20:39:00.000+09:00

Hey kids.

Let's face it... you've probably blown it. By basing your first single on the popularity of another current band you were taking a hell of a risk, and now that Godheadsil-, er, Death From Above 1979 have gone tits up, well, you're all kinds of mouth-fucked.

My condolences.

Is your song horrible? Oh hot buttery fuck yes. You make the Ying Yang twins sound like Warren Zevon in the brains department. You're also fairly unattractive and plain, which means that singing about slapping uglies means nothing to men of discertaining tastes such as myself, who are quite likely to lay the woodrow on a bevy of smoking hot Asian girls with the fucking QUICKNESS.

(Side note: the kid makes moves.)

Lastly, you happen to be Brazilian, but are neither a lounge act nor Sepultura. This is also a problem.

The good news is that people seem to like it... well, handsuphouston.com seems to, but Christ, those guys would defend giving a wolverine a mouthful of AIDS-infested blood and letting it loose in a kindergarten if Pitchfork gave the concept a decent review.

You were also mentioned on Houmidity.com, where Brian Mcmanus has been spending a good portion of doing a hell of an impression of Byron Crawford.
Although the guy from Spain Colored Orange is no Kanye.

But enough of the Houston scenester in-fighting. Here's the situation: It's not your fault, but it is your problem.

Fortunately for you I am in a giving mood this evening, as I sit here in my office overlooking the beautiful river in the middle of Kumamoto City and plotting my next step towards unemployment. I appreciate the fact that you have no grasp of meter, time, or the fact that you will inevitably be mentioned whenever one laughingly uses the term "sub plop." I also appreciate the fact that you are doubtlessly former visual studies students, which is like the Special Olympics seal-of-approval for "artistic and fun" bands.

So here are some new song titles you can use for your second album to suck in the hipster community, because you're 15 minutes are clocking down, yo.

"Finger blast me at the Racounters show."
"Let's schedule an abortion appointment while listening to Shellac."
"Hey, I have an accent and a vagina! Hey... where are you going??"
"Interpol/Radiohead/Sigur Ros/Slint/NO TAGBACKS!"
"Our singer is fat, but not 'Gossip' fat... more like '15-year-old-Naruto-fan' fat."
"Stupid alcohol reference"
"We make !!! seem like Stravinsky."

Keep adding more in the comments section, willya?

Saved by the bell: does ANYBODY like Dustin Diamond?

2006-07-29T23:01:00.000+09:00

Folks be HATIN'.

As noted by every smirking asshat in the world, Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech from Saved by the Bell, is going to lose his house due to foreclosure. In an attempt to save his bacon, homedude has set up a website to save his house via the sale of t-shirts.

Is it going well? Eh, not really... in fact, if that shit was a record, it would have trouble going double aluminum foil.

The harsher diss though? Dudes. Be. Straight. Hatin.

It's kinda funny to see things go this way... but also kind of fucked up. I guess it means that people are petty, mean, and self-interested, and that you gotta take care of yourself and really trust the people you deal with. Or else others will find joy in your agony.

Long story short? Dustin, stop being a pussy and let us interview you.

Fun week.

2006-07-26T18:49:00.000+09:00

Monkey fuck me. The Board of Education showed up to my apartment for a move-in check and took about 720 dollars from my last fucking paycheck for various "cleaning expenses," so now I'm staring down the barrel of "do nothing for 2 months until the next check arrives" like an asshole. A long and arduous series of arguments ensued afterward, during which the word "robbed" was used by yours truly. The ombudsperson took offense to that, but I told her she wasn't the one out 2 months' living expenses, so I'd use whatever phrase I fucking felt like using.

Long story short: I expect money back sometime. But I wouldn't hold my breath, considering the monument of inefficiency that the BOE tends to be. Think twice about dealing with these asshats if you're looking for a career change.

Topping that last week was a grand mal fist-fight with a drunken asshole, who I dropped like a sack of hot shit. It was, bar none, the longest fight I've ever been in, lasting about 15 minutes. I can now say that I've choked a human being in a rain storm after kicking him in the chest repeatedly. For anybody wondering about the benefits of judo and running, I can now attest to both of them. The guy had about 80-90 pounds on me, and he needed shoes with better traction as well. My black eye is healing nicely.

Be proud, mom.

Speaking of moms, I am now travelling around with my family and am in the lovely port town of Nagasaki. It's been a good trip so far, and I've seen a lot of cool things. I'm shooting video footage on an intermittent basis and also preparing some new writing for some various blogs that wish to hire me.

This month's articles are off to the various magazines I'm working for. I will be doing some more writing for some webzines in a few weeks, but I feel that this is less substantial as it doesn't kill enough trees for my liking. My next piece will be on the Char Aznable JCB Credit/Debit card, which is set up by General Electric. Did you know that those guys make vulcan canons? It's true.

Next stop: Nuclear bomb sites in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Parrrrrr-tayyyyyy.

Somebody made a funny...

2006-07-19T13:16:00.000+09:00

The newly... uh... updated Yatsushiro Wikipedia entry.

I didn't do it. But I'm laughing at it.

The French guy and the Italian guy made up.

2006-07-18T15:50:00.000+09:00

Some links.

2006-07-17T21:53:00.000+09:00

So the door is closing on the "Yatsushiro" part of Yatsushiro Radio. Several of the JETs from the area have already left, and I'm preparing to as well. Since this site has basically turned into my personal blog anyway I'll continue to update, with a focus on Japan and Japanese cultural events. I figure YR is now more of a metaphysical concept now, so location doesn't matter... something like when you're alone and you want to connect with other people, but you just don't know if you can broadcast properly.

I'm finished being emo.

Shut up.

I guess the big news is that I'll be published again soon in a major Japanese cultural magazine. I pitched 4 ideas and they bought two, so I spent a good portion of my weekend editing writing and cleaning my apartment for the next guy. I'm entertaining various work options and interviewing with some good companies, but there's nothing I'm comfortable speaking about in a public forum right now. I may start writing a book in the late fall as well, although I'm going to try and sell it before I do the grunt work.

Anyway, here are some goodbye links:

Woman admits to murder of daughter. This story has been on the news non-stop for a few weeks now. Totally warped lady murdered two children, including her own daughter, whom she felt was "annoying."

Tokyo Toy Fair. Happened this past weekend in Tokyo, and included some truly cool toys.

Youtube: Now featuring TOTAL SHIT. BTW, it's funny to note that this guy looks like every fat "art" girl I went to school with.

The Japan Times doesn't know metal.

2006-07-10T11:13:00.000+09:00

Japan times review of "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey."

My response to this article, mailed today, is below:

I feel obligated to write you and inform you that I found Giovanni Fazio's "review" of Metal: A Headbanger's Journey to be poorly conceived, poorly written, and overly-dismissive of an entire sub-culture.

Flatly put: I don't think Fazio knows what he's talking about, and his insistence on insulting music that I care about is condescending and incommensurate with his duties as a journalist. Just review the film, OK?

From his pronouncements on anthropological distance for the sake of study (laughable) to his disturbing lack of insight about metal and underground music ritual, it seems Fazio was more interested in talking about what he thinks of metal more than reviewing a flick.

"The metal subculture -- and many others -- ultimately propagates a lie: take me as I am, it insists, an outsider; accept me for my uniqueness and difference. But in the end, metal offers more of the same: conformity, and a more rigid and narrow conformity than most. The film's scenes of crowds at metal shows, uniformly clad in black resemble the mass conformity of fascism more than any individuality."

Is this guy a socio-political doctoral candidate or a movie reviewer? Fazio mentions both fascism and conformity without expressing any knowledge of the intricate and varied nature of metal music or show ritual. He also seeks individuality during a defined group ritual, which is like me going to mass and screaming "WHERE THE LADIES AT?"

The trappings of "fascism" exist anywhere with group rituals... don't get hung up because you saw a bunch of black tshirts.

"When so much of the style is obsessed with Satan, death and occult imagery it can't really complain about being demonized."

Really? Does Napalm Death 20 plus year decryal of late-stage capitalism or Carcass' appeal to vegetarians have anything to do with Iron Maiden's operatic fantasies? Does Godflesh's maudlin obsession with decay and broken dreams have anything to do with Slayer's adrenaline-fueled descriptions of transgression and hell?

Oh man. It is OVER

2006-07-09T13:19:00.000+09:00

I did not hear things wrong when I was last in Family Mart.

Dr. Pepper is now available at Family Marts in Kumamoto.

My plans for the next two weeks include gaining about 30 pounds and chattering my teeth.

Awesome.

Big Black to re-unite for Touch and Go Records 25th Anniversary!

2006-06-30T09:09:00.000+09:00

From the Chicago Reader:

THE ORGANIZERS OF Touch and Go’s 25th anniversary party in September have already booked 24 of the festival’s 25 featured performers, including Black Heart Procession, Calexico, Arcwelder, the Ex, and reunited acts like Girls Against Boys, Scratch Acid, and the Didjits. Rumors have been proliferating about who’ll fill the 25th slot, and though it definitely won’t be Big Black, the band will make a brief appearance. Steve Albini confirms that he’ll reunite with bassist Jeff Pezzati, guitarist Santiago Durango, and their trusty drum machine for a handful of songs.

Albini’s tour schedule with Shellac, who are also performing at the fest, is making it impossible for Big Black to rehearse a full set. “We would like to get our shit together to play a couple songs as a thank-you to Touch and Go,” he says, “but I would hate it if people spent a ton of money and made a special trip expecting a full Big Black show.” No further Big Black engagements are planned, contrary to Internet chatter. “We’ve already been approached by promoters about doing reunion shows,” Albini says, “but that is definitely not going to happen.”

One of the other big rumors has been about the Jesus Lizard. Half the group—bassist David Sims and front man David Yow—will already be at the fest playing in Scratch Acid. They’re currently in contact with guitarist Duane Denison, but drummer Mac McNeilly hasn’t been in touch with his old bandmates since 1998.

Billions Corporation founder David “Boche” Viecelli, who managed the Jesus Lizard and is handling the Scratch Acid reunion, confirms that the idea of getting the band back together has been discussed. “But the only way anybody would consider it—and I think it’s incredibly unlikely—is if Mac were doing it,” he says. “The guys haven’t talked to Mac in eight years, and there are no ongoing conversations that I’m aware of. So I would say the possibility is unbelievably remote.”

Jesus Lizard diehards can still hope something changes before September— the goodwill surrounding the Touch and Go celebration has already facilitated a couple reunions that once seemed impossible. “It’s kind of amazing what’s happening with this anniversary,” says Albini. “People are doing the sort of stuff that would never happen for any other reason.”

...

Although the lack of Dave Riley is pretty strange (he had a seizure, and Santiago and Albini couldn't help but mention what a fuck-up he seemed to be in Our Band Could Be Your Life), I'm stoked that my friends will see this.

And you know I'm getting the bootleg. You know it.

Argh, there be linkage!

2006-06-28T14:17:00.000+09:00

Hey there...

If any of you have any interest in stunning artistic endeavours from the last century, I really suggest you check out this post about Ubu.web's Summer program. Fluxus, Ligeti, Viennese Aktionists, Roland Barthes, and Fluxus are covered.

Post Punk Junk has probably become my favorite music weblog, and for good reason. These guys pull out the JAMS, and recent posts have included the entire first concert by PiL, as well as early (pre-Warner) Gang of Four singles. Also, they re-energized me to check out Six Finger Satellite, who I am now kicking myself for not following back in the day.

Texas Railroad Killer put to death. This guy was one of the pre-eminent boogiemen of Texas in the late 90s. Terrifying.